If you are of a similar, (lonely) mind to Balls, you will understand that few things can sustain joy over a fortnight as well as the World Cup group stages.
The next installment of the competition interrupts the natural rhythms of the great competition, what with it being shifted to winter to make feasible the image laundering of a cynical, archaic regime which places profit above all else. (If you’re now picturing the unctuous, obsequious, bald-headed grin of Gianni Infantino – that’s understandable, but we are talking about Qatar).
The tournament’s organising committee, the characteristically understated Supreme Committee for Delivery & Legacy, have started to outline their plans as to when games will take place, now that this latest perversion of sport’s greatest competition is actually going to go ahead.
Even if the tournament is not expanded to include 48 teams, the Supreme Committee have plans to stage four group games a day.
That means that games will kick off at 10am, 1pm, 4pm and 7pm Irish time.
The World Cup’s gauntlet for each fan is to try and watch every single game, and while this all-day regiment is going to be more challenging than ever before, we reckon many of you will be up to it.
We had a brief glimpse of this TV utopia during Russia 2018, as there were four games on the first Saturday of the tournament.
But this is the plan and it will no doubt be a wonderful experience, and as we enjoy the football, we will forget why it is being staged in Qatar at such a curious time of the year.